Journal prompt.

If I could tell my younger self . . .

If you aren't familiar with Celebrate Recovery, here is a quick overview of how a meeting goes. We open with worship, followed by either a lesson or a testimony. Then we break up into small groups followed by a meal together. In small groups we discuss what we heard in the large group and have a series of questions related to the evening's theme as discussion starters. We can answer one of those questions or discuss whatever we are struggling with. Or we can say pass if we don't want to talk. 

One of the questions on our list during group this past Friday was, "If you could go back and change anything what would you change?" Most of the ladies chose this question to answer. Some of their answers were simply heartbreaking. 

It is amazing to watch God working in these ladies lives. But I so wish that I could just miraculously convey the message to them that there is hope. That God loves them. That the pain and suffering they are experiencing now will one day by used for God's glory to help someone else who has been in their shoes. But first they have to allow Him to bring healing into their broken hearts. That is a hard sell when you are in the midst of said suffering, and you've never known unconditional love. 

For someone who is in survival mode, it's really hard to comprehend letting go of the little ounce of control that you feel you have, even if it is to give that control to the creator of the universe. For those of us who have walked with the Lord for years, sometimes we take for granted the trust and faith that we have, knowing that God really is working all things for our good. When you are a person who hasn't had much good in your life, or who hasn't had anything good for a really long time, GOOD seems like something that only happens to other people. Taking a chance on trusting an unseen God can seem pretty risky for a heart that has been broken, stomped on, and left on the streets to die. Some of these ladies have survived only by sheer willpower and street smarts. Trust, freedom, unconditional love, and GRACE, are completely foreign terms to many of them.

I chose not to answer the question of what I would go back and change. The list is too long, too painful, and way more information than I had time or the nerves to share. And since that isn't an option anyway, I chose to focus on where I am now. What my life is like after 26 years of sobriety and trusting God every day.

                    

                         For grace over my past, 

                                                  peace to find joy in the present, and 

                                                                           strength to face whatever the future holds. 

This isn't quite what I said to them, but here's a small portion of what I've learned over the years.

I've learned that I'm never going to have all the answers. 

I've learned that forgiveness is cleansing, both being forgiven and gifting that to others, even when they don't deserve it. 

I've learned that my heart can find joy, even when I'm not happy. 

I've learned that being transformed by a holy God doesn't take away my control, it gives me self-control.

I've learned that my God is truly everything He says He is. 

So, if I could go back and tell my younger self anything . . . 

I'd tell her to let go of her fear, quit worrying about what others think, and enjoy life.

I'd tell her that she is loved already and that no one on earth can fill that emptiness in her soul.

I'd tell her that beauty on the inside is so much more pleasing and lasts longer than what is on the outside. 

I'd tell her that acne does eventually go away.

I'd tell her to listen more and talk less

I'd tell her not to judge others harshly, because she has no idea what they are going through.

I'd tell her to read her bible every single day, even if she doesn't understand what she is reading.

I'd tell her that prayer is a conversation which requires listening as well as talking.

I'd tell her that there are going to be some really hard days, but Jesus is going to hold her through it all.

 And that after those hard days, she will see God's hand was at work through the pain.

I'd tell her that giving everything to God means getting everything of Him, 

and that is worth more than she could ever imagine.

And more than anything else,

if I could go back and tell my younger self only one thing . . .

I would tell her that God loves her.

HER.

Not just the whole world. But her.

Unconditionally.

Completely.

Beyond anything she can imagine.

As an individual.

As a child of the king of all kings.

As a chosen daughter.

As a precious child.

That's what I would want my younger self to know.

Because that is what has made all the difference in the world to me for the last 26 years.

He loves ME.

Period.

Blessings,

Renea

Choose JOY . . .

For You have been my help, And in the shadow of Your wings I sing for joy. Psalm 63:7

Today I am going to choose JOY.

Ever notice when you decide to make a conscious effort to be joyful life tends to go awry? Well, in case you haven't noticed, let me just warn you, going awry will probably happen. lol

For those who don't know, my husband, college daughter and I, all moved into our little RV home this past summer. For the most part, it has been a peaceful and even tranquil transition. Once I resolved to make the best of the situation and enjoy the perks, like a much smaller area to keep clean, (I don't even own a mop any more!), being able to sit outside in the mornings and have my devotional time looking at the water, and a host of other things, life really got much better.

Then winter happened. I know that may not be shocking to most people, but having lived in Mississippi for almost my whole life, winter is something that happens to the rest of the country, but not us. I mean, we have a really cold snap off and on, and occasionally it snows. But the next day it all melts, giving a concrete meaning to the term cold SNAP.

Unfortunately, like most of the eastern half of the country, winter in Mississippi has been a little weird this year. Frigid cold weather has rocked our southern world. And out little RV has rocked with it, with the wind, that is. So far we have invaded my parents' home now three different times. Christmas week we had an electrical circuit blow. On a Sunday. So we had no electricity. Then we forgot to leave the water running overnight during the first really cold front we had and woke up to no water. For three days. And last night at midnight we were gotten out of bed by a chirping sound that we finally identified as the LP gas monitor. We reset it twice to no avail. Then we got the manual out. The instructions were pretty severe. Turn off the gas, open all the windows, turn on all the exhaust fans, do not turn touch any light switches and exit the RV! So at 1:00 this morning we showed up at my parents' home to spend the night for the third time in a month.

As we were frantically trying to get dressed and grab what we had to have to leave the RV last night, visions of the RV exploding into flames and burning up were racing through my head. If there are two things I'm afraid of, fire and gas explosions would definitely be at the top of the list. I got a pretty sick feeling in my stomach just thinking about it. Then as we drove away, the thought occurred to me that even if that happened after we left, that the three of us would not be in it! And I thanked God that we were safe. I was reminded of a friend from my youth whose house just burned. Her beautiful spirit of gratefulness for God's protection over her family in the middle of the night has been an inspiration to me. Even in her mourning the loss of pictures, family heirlooms, those treasured things that we pour so much of our lives into, she is able to praise our Father for his loving arms that kept them safe and woke them up in time to get out of their burning home. And I was humbled. Again.

So today I am going to choose JOY.

JOY for an annoying chirping sound that alerted us to danger.

JOY for knowing that a heavenly Father is watching over my family even when we aren't thinking about Him.

JOY for the everyday mundane things that I take for granted, like electricity, running water, heat when it's cold.

JOY for parents who are willing to open their home to us time and time again, even at 1:00 in the morning!

JOY for life itself.

JOY.

Just one tiny little word.

Blessings,
Renea